The Reason He Loves Being a Death Eater
by Think My Name Is Funny Do You
Summary: "Guys we are all out of pizza!" - Snape stood up in the hot tub, furious. "You pompous pig! You couldn't even wait on me!" - Voldie Moldie fell to the ground laughing, "I… can't… believe… you… wear… spandex!" He managed between laughs.


He sat watching the ticking clock intently, staring at it until his bulging, black eyes burned. He tapped his polished finger nails on the desk, spun around in his chair like a child, and stomped his feet on the floor. He did anything and everything he could to pass the time. The clock struck midnight. Unlike Cinderella, he jumped up in joy. _Yeeessssss!_

Severus Snape did pirouettes all the way down the corridor to the Hogwarts parking garage, his purple tutu swirling in the air. Then, he did fruitful front flip into his wicked hot pink Corvette. He pulled his long, greasy, black hair back in a bright purple, bedazzled headband and yanked his red, Prada handbag across the car into his lap. A small, white, teacup dog poked its head out and began yapping at its master.

"Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap," it yapped.

Snape poked it in the eyes, "Shut up you fluffy fuck!" he yelled.

It yapped back.

Snape rolled his eyes and shoved it back into the giant bag. He pulled out a cheesy, pink, snakeskin wallet and opened it up. He pulled out several maxed out Visas and tossed them in the back. He finally found what he was looking for. _The Official_ _Death Eater Punch Card. _

He had already gotten nine punches, and if he made it to ten, he would get a free tee shirt. He _really _wanted that tee shirt.

Snape shoved the items back in his bag and threw it in the back of the car. He turned down the top and cranked the radio up on high. Then he blew a ruby red kiss at his reflection, and he tires squalled as he tore out of the garage and down Hogwarts grounds.

Snape stood in his seat as the car continued moving, and threw his arms up with the music. He sang, "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes! Singing Aaaayyyy Oooohhh!"

He wiggled his butt with the music, and the fluffy white dog winced. _Don't do that._

The car was heading toward the Black Lake. Snape snapped his fingers and a gold bridge with pink and white flowers blooming across it appeared. A few unicorns and butterflies danced and pranced over it as the car continued on into the distance.

When Snape finally arrived at the Death Eater clubhouse, he had turned the Corvette into a stretch limo. The fluffy white dog was wearing Armani sunglasses, and sitting in the driver seat, steering the wheel. Snape was sprawled out in a steamy, bubbling, hot tub in the back with an umbrella garnished pina colada in his hand. It was dark outside, but Snape had charmed the car to have sunlight, and his ghost white skin was burning red.

Voldemort, clad in his favorite 'Team Edward' shirt, which had a picture that looked mysteriously a lot like Cedric Diggory on it, stormed out of the cardboard box, slamming the "boys only door" behind him and stomped over to Snape. He yanked the headphones out of his ears, and the IPod fell into the water.

Snape whined, "Awww, come on Mate, that was Nicki Minaj!"

"No Snape! You are so totally late! Talk about NOT COOL!" Voldie bitched in his girl-voice.

Lucius A.K.A. Goldie Locks poked his out the door, "Guys we are all out of pizza!"

Snape stood up in the hot tub, furious. "You pompous pig! You couldn't even wait on me!"

Voldie Moldie fell to the ground laughing, "I… can't… believe… you… wear… spandex!" He managed between laughs.

Snape looked down and turned red, "I… erm… they were a gift," he decided.

Voldie cackled, "HA HA HA! Did your mummy dearest buy them for you!" he teased.

Snape's ears turned red and he began sputtering, "I… uh… erm… I…"

"Speaking of mum," Goldie Locks cut in, "someone should call her and see if she will bring us some more food! And a new game too, because we are getting sick of watching Crabbe and Goyle on Modern Warfare!"

"No!" Voldie snapped, suddenly serious, "If I'm to beat Scarface Saint Pothead, I _have _to know all these modern tactics."

In the background, Snape started flexing his –so not there- sunburnt muscles in the mirror and singing, "I'm sexy and I know it! –I work out!—"

Goldie pouted, "Well, can we at least get pepperoni this time? I'm getting sick of sausage."

Voldie rolled his eyes, "Snape!"

Snape jumped and fell into his seat in the car, smashing the fluffy pet flat. He heard the sunglasses crunch and winced. _There goes $300._

"What's up Master Moldie?" he asked politely.

Voldie began shuffling though his pockets. He pulled out a few galleons and threw them at Snape.

"Go see if Mum will buy some more pizza," he ordered.

Snape furrowed his brow, "Erm… Mum?"

Voldie looked at him like he was stupid, "Yeah, Mum," he repeated.

Snape looked around to make sure they were alone and leaned in close. He whispered, "But, you don't have a mum."

"I know that you blubbering bimbo!" Voldie shouted. "Go find me one! There has to be _someone _in the world who will buy us pizza and wash my socks!"

Snape huffed, "But I just got here! Why does it always have to be me?"

Voldie though for a moment, "Tell you what, when you get back, you get the first slice."

Snape brightened up, and snatched up the money from the floor of the car.

"I'll see if I can go find a mum for us!"

He turned around in the driver seat and almost took off, but then he paused.

"Hey wait!" he called after Voldie.

He spun around, "What do you want now?" he asked annoyed.

Snape blushed, "Erm… Can I get my card punched and get a tee shirt?" He asked, holding out the card.

Voldie rolled his eyes and snatched the card out of Snape's hand and punched a tiny skull on the "number 10" spot.

Snape took the card back and did the Yay-Me Dance. A few moments later, his tires squalled out of the clubhouse parking lot.

_Best-Night-Ever!_

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**I hope you lauged as much as I did! Leave a review :) I will love it!**


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